Bother
by Malleana
Summary: *UPDATE: CHAPTER THREE*When a tempermental Ron leaves a suicidal Hermione, Who is there to help? More to come when I get reviews. -sigh-
1. Prologue

Prologue

_"...Because I'm pregnant!" _

"Dammit...dammit dammit dammit!" Repeated an angry Ron Weasley, slamming his balled fist on the table before him. His cup of coffee sloshed a bit, other patrons eerily staring at him as they watched his tantrum. 

Cold blue eyes looked downward, immersing themselves into the black liquid wherein, remembering the argument he had had an hour before...

"You can't just leave like this Ron!"  Screamed a stricken Hermione, tears beginning to form in her chocolate eyes. "Why? Wh-What did I do?" She asked, this time the tears coming down her cheeks. 

"You didn't do anything! This wasn't supposed to happen Hermione, we... We aren't supposed to be together!" Ron yelled back, slamming closed his trunk full of clothing. "I can't stay Hermione, don't think it doesn't hurt for me to leave..." He said, his eyes not daring to make contact with her own, knowing full well that if he did – his own tears would begin to fall.

"But... you can't leave! You just can't!" She said, hands wiping furiously at her cheeks as she strode over to Ron, her hands landing on his trunk. "Please!"

Temper overcoming him, Ron reached behind him and grabbed a glass vase – one that he gave Hermione for her birthday last – and tossed it at the wall, the vase shattering against the pristine white that they had both painted together. "Why can't I leave?" He screamed, fuming as his eyes finally made met hers.

Tears still flowing freely, Hermione glared into his eyes, her lips quivering. "...Because I'm pregnant!"

Hermione had cried to the point where her eyes had become dry, as if no more tears lie in their reservoir. Curled into a small ball in the kitchen, her long brown hair stuck to her cheeks, her brown eyes puffy and red. She had run over the argument Ron and she had had a million times, and she remembered watching him walk out the door a million times. 

Standing she walked slowly to the bathroom, washing her face in ice cold water. The chill it brought gave Hermione a sense of numbness... later when she would look back on this action she would realize – that was what she was trying to accomplish... she wanted to be numb. 

Blotting her face dry with a hand towel, her ears heard a familiar sound – the front door opening. Darting from the bathroom and down the stairs of her tiny apartment, her gaze landed on a sullen Ron, soaked from the rain outside.

Smiling a bit, Hermione walked forward to him, preparing to wrap her arms around him and welcome him home. 

"No..." Ron said, pushing her away and stepping backwards. "...I didn't come back to stay, Hermione..." He said, pushing past her and taking his trunk off the bed. He had left it here in a rush to leave, needing to think for awhile. 

Coming back down, Hermione just watched him, stricken faced. "So... you are leaving." She said, more of a statement then a question. 

Looking at her in shock, Ron set his trunk down. "What do you think, Hermione? I'm only 23... I can't be a father." 

And with these words, Ron Weasley walked out the front door, and out of Hermione's life.

I can't understand myself anymore

But I m still feeling lonely

Feeling so unholy

-Numb, Portishead

A/N: Reviews would be appreciated... no more until I get at least three reviews. I wanna know people are reading this thing. ~_~


	2. Give Me a Reason

Chapter 1: Give Me a Reason

Whether it was the harsh wind that blew about her, or the way the waves washed upon the large rocks, Hermione found peace at the Cliffs of Dover. It was somewhere near 2:00 a.m. and there wasn't anyone around, just Hermione, and her thoughts. But her thoughts weren't that great of a companion. They seemed to echo and tear at her, and every time she relived Ron's exodus of their relationship – she died again inside. She knew that no matter how many times she watched the scene play in her head, it would never fully kill her. 

And somehow... that was what she wanted. Though she could never admit it, her depression was coming full force, the jagged rocks beneath her looking quite inviting. Stepping forward, her gaze fell down to the crashing waves, long brown hair blowing back behind her. All she had to do was just... jump...

Her left foot scooted a little closer to the edge, a small pebble falling from the plateau and flying full force towards the turmoil waters below. Closing her eyes, Hermione pushed off, feeling as if she was flying, never landing as she screamed the rest of the way down.

Gasping, a sleeping Hermione stood up in bed, cold-sweat beading up on her forehead. Her eyes darted to her alarm clock, the neon green lights blinking 12:00. "Damn it..." She muttered before shifting out of bed walking to the window. It was storming outside, rain hitting the window. Sighing, she closed the blinds, figuring the power had gone out. Consumed with thoughts of finding the circuit breaker, Hermione forgot to walk around the spot in the room that always leaked, sending her down to the wood flooring with a thud. 

Muttering various curse words, the first thing she did was bring her hands to her stomach, which had begun to grow. It had been 5 months since Ron left, and it had been five months of loneliness, and five months of tears almost every night. Hermione had begun to recoup, getting a post-card from Ron with a bright picture of a beach... he was in Florida. That was all she knew, as he sent a small note saying he'd cover all the expenses, and almost 1000 pounds. She had taken the money and put it into a small bank account, deciding to take La Maze classes. Her neighbor, Guinevere, had five kids and recommended a teacher for her.

Tenderly standing again, Hermione continued to voyage downstairs, carefully inching her way down the stairs in the dark. Walking into the kitchen for a flashlight, Hermione stubbed her toe on the doorframe, gritting her teeth and hobbling to the cupboard. 

Finally reaching her destination, Hermione clicked on the flashlight, a weak beam of beige dimly lighting the room. Sighing, she brought a hand to her face to wipe away the sweat that lie there. Heading towards the laundry room, Hermione stopped in the living room, noticing a small notepad with her writing scribbled across it, beside the phone. Biting her lip, she read it over. 

La Maze – Tuesday at 1:00. NEED PARTNER!!

Sighing, she checked the calendar on the refrigerator – Tuesday. Checking her watch, it read 5:47 a.m. It had come time to do the one thing she hadn't wanted to do. She had planned on getting someone from work to go with her, but could never find anyone willing to take off. She had made a deal with herself... push come to shove she would ask Harry Potter. And ... well... The push became a shove. 

"He should be up by now... God knows that man is a workaholic." Hermione muttered to herself, grabbing the telephone and dialing his number, the one that she had dialed so many times over the last five months. 

"Thanks for coming on such short notice..." Hermione said, letting Harry into her flat, closing the whitewashed door behind him. She was dressed nicely in a pair of dark blue jeans, a white sweater as well. It was August and there had been a sudden cold bit in the weather, most of the night's rain turning to sleet. 

"It's no prob, Hermione. You no I'm always here... I just don't see why you didn't ask me in the first place." Harry replied, twirling his car keys in his hand. Ever since school, he had had this wild hair to go out, make lots of money, and drive a really fancy car. That had been six years before hand, and he had accomplished every single one of those tasks. Because of his name – he could get any job he wanted... he was offered a position on the Chudley Cannons, but had refused to get a job as a broom tester. And since then, he had just climbed the ranks... eventually becoming the top designer and CEO at Firebolt Industries Inc. 

Running a brush through her hair one last time, Hermione walked towards the door, grabbing her coat. "I didn't want to... you know... inconvenience you." She said, a sad tone somewhat lingering in her voice.

"But you don't, Herms... and you know that..." Harry replied, a smirk gracing his finely toned features as he followed her out the door and into his Porsche. 

After the La Maze class, Harry dropped Hermione back off at her flat, speeding away to his own where he had work to do. Removing her coat, Hermione pulled her hair into a tight bun, pinning it their with a couple of pencils as she trudged up to her room, feeling winded from all the breathing she had done in the past hour. 

Once there, She smiled a bit and sat down at her desk, pulling out a small, leather-bound journal. Flipping towards the back, Hermione found the first empty page and began writing...

iAugust 23, 2003

First La Maze class was today. Wasn't exactly fun... but it was ok. It was more saddening as I envied all the couples that surrounded both Harry and I. We had to lie and say he was the father. 

Stopped for coffee afterward... had a nice chat with Harry over my White-Chocolate Mocha. He wonderfully offered to help me clean my sweater when I dropped whipped cream on it. That's something Ron would have never done. He would have laughed at me, and called me 'clumsy' or some other such name. 

I still miss Ron. I'll always miss him, just like I'll always love him. I still fail to see why he ever left me? Was I not good enough? Did I annoy him? Was there someone else? This last thought repulses me. He would never cheat on me! Would he...?

I had a dream last night I killed myself. I leaped off the Cliffs. It wasn't so bad... I've had worse nightmares since Ron left. I got to thinking though, as I lied awake in bed, the thunder keeping me alert... why should I go on living? There's no point... the only person I ever cared about as much as my parents is gone, my mother is on the verge of death, battling a losing fight against Lung Cancer, and my baby is never going to know her father. 

Give me a reason... Journal, give me just one god damned reason I should go on. Why the hell can't I just go away like Ron? I just... I just want to not feel. I never ask for any of this! Give me a reason... just one, and I'll be satisfied. /i

And with a tear, Hermione slammed the journal closed, shoving back her chair and leaving the apartment, walking somewhere... anywhere... she didn't know then, and probably never will.

iGive me a reason to love you.

Give me a reason to be a woman. 

I just want to be a woman. 

So don't you stand, being a man.

Just take a little look

From outside when you can. 

Give me a reason to love you.

Give me a reason to be a woman. 

I just want to be a woman. 

It's all I want to be.

All a woman. 

-Portishead, Give Me a Reason/i

A/N: REVIEWS! YAY! They'd be very nice, an Author's daily source of food are Reviews... and I'm starving! ^^


	3. When Doves Cry

Chapter Two:  When Doves Cry

What is... pain? Pain had been deemed physical, something must happen to you to feel pain. To be cut, burned, bruised etc. But pain is more of a psychological type thing. Men can withstand more pain, mainly because of ego. Some people are more sensitive to pain then others; it's like an adaptation process. The only problem was Hermione's pain wasn't physical, and she hadn't adapted... not one single bit.  In those five months, Hermione died a little more every day; reliving the same scenes over in her head... tears fell at any given moment. When Ron smashed her vase, he also smashed her heart, shattering into millions of pieces all at once.

Standing from beneath the large Willow Tree in the City Park, Hermione wiped her tear-streaked face on her blouse, sighing as she walked out of the park, a little girl running past her joyously. Hermione's eyes followed the small child, a sad little smirk appearing on her lips. Then they landed on the girl's parents, smiling as her father lifted her into the air and swung her around, setting her down on a high limb, holding her to keep her from falling off. All the while the child just smiled, laughing with glee. A tiny tear ran down Hermione's cheek as she rubbed her stomach, in some way... trying to let her unborn child know everything was going to be all right. 

"Well Ms. Granger... you'll be having a healthy, bouncy baby girl." Said Dr. Wills, smiling broadly at Hermione as she lay on the bed, the sonogram picture of her daughter in front of her, the baby's heart beating softly. In that single moment, Hermione was overcome with a feeling contentedness, wanting just to wrap her arms around the tiny child she could see on the screen, and make all the world go away – so it was just them. She was soon pulled from her reverie when the doctor addressed Harry, whom stood beside her. 

"Are you the father?" He asked, peeking over his glasses at the tall, slightly tanned man beside the bed. 

"Oh... uh... no. I'm just a family friend..." He replied, smiling and peeking over his own glasses in a mocking way. 

"Well, Ms. Granger, I'll need to see you back in three weeks. Take this to the front desk and they'll take care of you. have a good day!" Dr. Wills said, finally leaving the room and heading to the staff table. 

"Thank you... Harry." Hermione said, looking up to her best friend as she turned and put on her shoes and leave. 

"For what?" Harry asked, assisting her with her ties, as she couldn't reach around her stomach anymore. 

"For being here... for being with me." She replied, setting her feet on the cold tile and grabbing her coat. "You've no idea how much this means to me..." She said, opening the door and leaving the office, Harry silently following her. Once in the car, she smiled and leaned back, closing her eyes.

"Evelynn Rose," Hermione said, her eyes still shut tight, her head leaned against the seat-belt holster. "What do you think of Evelynn Rose?" She asked, this time opening her eyes to a shocked Harry.

"Uhm... That's really beautiful... but you name it what you want – it's your kid." He said, laughing nervously as he backed out, driving towards the highway to drop Hermione off at her flat. 

"Actually... you're most likely going to be more of her father then anyone else will..." She replied softly, gazing out the window at the busy streets and angry people, happy for once.

"You know... this cake isn't so bad..." Came a stuffed mouth Harry from the other side of the sofa. His green eyes were focused on his fork, which was currently grabbing another piece of Run Fruit Cake, shoving it into his mouth as he chewed. 

"Thanks... I had a hankering for it, and just decided to make some homemade" Replied Hermione, eating equally as fast. She had been having odd cravings for weeks now, and had craved everything from Anchovies to Water Chestnuts. Today it was fruitcake – so she made heaps and heaps of it. The only problem was... Hermione hated fruitcake. 

Both of them finishing at roughly the same time, Harry stood up, taking both his plate and Hermione's towards the kitchen. He had barely placed the ceramic dishes in the sink when he heard a small scream. Running back to the living room, he found a smiling Hermione, hands to her stomach. "Wha-" Huff. "What Happened?" Huff huff. 

"She kicked! Evelynn kicked!" Hermione screamed joyfully, signaling for Harry to come feel. "Hurry! Before she stops..." She said as Harry sat down, setting his large hand on her bare belly, warmth over come her middle section. 

"I don't feel anything Herms..." He said, looking up to Hermione, his face amazingly close to her own. 

"Just wait... any mome- there she went again!" She said, smiling as Harry jerked a bit, before leaning closer and setting his ear on her stomach. Hermione looked down, overcome with something she hadn't felt in a long time. Happiness. She sighed as Harry made funny noises, his warm breath felt against her milky skin. 

"Wow." Harry said, looking up, resting his chin on Hermione obtuse stomach. "That's just... wow." He said, smiling as his green eyes met Hermione's own brown. A silence came over the room, Hermione not wanting to speak, and Harry just looking into her eyes. Slowly, her moved forwards, still speaking not a word. With the ease, he gently leaned towards her and kissed her lips, his own lingering on hers for a moment before backing away.

"Har-" Hermione began to say, before Harry Stopped her with a shushing noise, before leaning in again, this time kissing her a bit more fiercely, her lips parting to let him in. Kissing him back, her hands reached up, lingering at the nape of his neck – just where his hair met his skin. In that moment, Hermione would have liked to disappear, melt completely into Harry. Nothing would matter but Harry. Not her, not her daughter, not even Ron. Harry, that was all. It was a moment like when doves cry... one that never happens. 

A thousand other boys could never reach you  
How could I have been the one  
I saw the world spin beneath you  
And scatter like ice from the spoon  
That was your womb – Black Balloon, Goo Goo Dolls


End file.
